Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？

A story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habituallyendeavoured to terrorize his opponent's witnesses．

One witness rather tended to preface his replies withlengthy explanations．

“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is noneed for you to argue the point！”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answeredby‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．

“There are not！” unwisely snapped the lawyer．

“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have youceased beating your wife？”

    你停止打你妻子了吗？

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于设法 恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人稍微倾向于在回答问题之前先做冗长的解 释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道：

“你没有必要就这个问题进行辩论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题！”律师愚蠢地厉声说。

“噢，”证人说：“那么回答这个问题：你停止打你妻子了吗？”

To Borrow an Ox

    Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

    One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

    After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

Notes:

    (1) he pretended to be reading it他假装读着字条。

    (2) pretend to do佯装做

    借公牛一用

    从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。 一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。

    仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”

It's very good！ 

thanks! plz come here as often as possible. and plz tell us some stories. 

The RazorSeller

John Wolcot

A fellow in a markettown， Most musical， cried razors up and down，And offer'd twelve for eighteenpence：

Which certainly seem'd wondrous cheap， And for the money quite a heap， As every man would buy， with cash and sense．A country bumpkin the great offer heard；Poor Hodge， who suffer'd by a thick black beard，Thst seem'd a shoebrush stuck beneath his nose：With cheerfulness the eighteenpence he paid，And proudly to himself， in whispers， said， “This rascal stole the razors， I suppose．“No matter if the fellow be a knave , Provided that the razors shave：

It sartinly will be a monstrous prize．”

So home the clown， with his good fortune wentAnd quickly soap'd himself to ears and eyes．Being well lather'd from a dish or tub， Hodge now began with grinning pain to grub， Just like a hedger cutting furze：

’Twas a vile razor！—then the rest he tried—

All were imposters—“Ah！” Hodge sigh'd， “I wish my eighteenpence within my purse．”

In vain to chase his beard，and bring the graces， He cut， and dug， and winc'd，and stamp'd，and swore，Brought blood， and danc'd， blasphem'd， and made wryfaces， And curs'd each razor's body o’er and o’er：His muzzle， form'd of opposition stuff， Firm as a Foxite， would not loose its ruff；So kept itlaughing at the steel and suds：

Hodge， in a passion， stretch'd his angry jaws， Vowing the direst vengeance，with clench'd claws，On the vile cheat that sold the goods．

‘Razors！a damn'd confounded dog， Not fit to scrape a hog！

Hodge sought the fellowfound him， and begun “P’rhaps，Master Razorrogue，to you'ti